I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
