He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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