I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
