Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I didn't shave. On purpose
Your dad touched me again.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
