We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
