I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
