At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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