I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
