note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
