you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
