I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
