i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
