the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
