I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
