I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
