Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
