She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
