It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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