Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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