I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
