I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He shit in the fireplace
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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