so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
