your thong is hanging out like whoa
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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