I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
3pm strippers are depressing
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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