I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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