Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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