Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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