woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Too much gin, very little bucket
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
