I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am available for nakedness
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
