mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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