I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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