Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i think my cat just said my name.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
