I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Terrible idea I love it
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
