i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
