I showed him my bush... on skype.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
