He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
