Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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