For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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