she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
just found out that she named her cat after me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
