you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
