This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
