i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
