I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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