Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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