when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
