I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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