Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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