As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i came on her dog
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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