hotel room ftw
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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