You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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