A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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