matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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