I accidentally burped into my bong.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Please don't give away my fajitas
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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