you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
