we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
