that's an acceptable place to lick
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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